UFO Talk With Buck And Biff!


Getting out of bed is a problem for me. So how do I motivate myself? Simple. My portable radio has an alarm mode but instead of the buzzer, I set it to a particular AM radio station and then fall asleep.

Bam. Radio snaps on to a sports commentary program, boobs squawking about pro athlete nonsense. That gets me out of bed; I quickly kill the annoying chatter.

The other day I was snapping off the radio when an epiphany struck me: if such a program – basically egocentric opinions and boring scores and stats related to overpaid steroid-saturated muscle – can get people to tune in, why not use the same format to develop a broader audience for an relatively unpopular topic like UFOs? All you need is a couple of brawny guys who sound like they mainline caffeine, just zealous about the subject. Recycle the basic lines used by sports commentators and adapt them as needed.

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BUCK: Welcome to UFO Talk! I’m your co-host, Buck!

BIFF: And I’m Biff! We’re here with the latest straight talk about Ufology!

BUCK: Well, it looks like the Ultraterrestrials took a hit with the sudden retirement of John Keel to that big mothership in the sky!

BIFF: And with Jacque Vallee still on the sidelines, just observing the game, it seems the ETH crowd rules the field!

BUCK: Yeah, especially with Stanton Friedman on the road! He just completed a double-header at the opening of a shopping mall somewhere between Fond du Lac and Sheboygan! Then he stopped by a nocturnal lights tailgate party to the surprise of local NL fans.

BIFF: Meanwhile Team Exopolitics is stuck out in deep left field, ready to fumble the ball again, bases loaded!

BUCK: Hey, back off the Exos! They scored a few hits.

BIFF: Sure, of LSD!

BUCK: Why, you--!!

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On second thought, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. There is already enough intercenine tribalism in ufology – why lower the field to the level of pro sports fans?