Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Two Female Glands

(C) Copyright 2007 Ray X

Men can’t understand women. A guy can’t figure out what his girlfriend really wants. Women are fickle, mysterious.

But is there really a mystery?

I think a clue can be found in a comic book from the 1960s: Justice League of America #6, featuring the story “The Wheel of Misfortune.” The superheroes in the League are caught off guard when Professor Amos Fortune stymies their heroic efforts by targeting their “luck glands.” With his research into the science of luck, Amos has discovered a ductless gland within each person that controls an individual’s fortune. He can induce bad luck through his stimo-luck machine.

Now that’s a thought-provoking insight. What other unknown glands might be influencing human actions?

It can be posited that women also have a pair of specialized glands that control their emotions towards men. The first one is located on the left side: the romance gland. This causes a woman to become deeply infatuated with a man, even to the point of overlooking his faults, turning each flaw into a positive asset. For example, in the beginning of the relationship, the romance gland dumps so much of its specialized bio-chemical into a woman that she ends up saying:

“No, Joe, your snoring doesn’t bother me. I think it’s cute. Anyway, I like your snoring. It’s reassuring to hear it; I know that you’re right next to me, keeping me safe.”

But after six months the romance gland has done its job: the man is in love with the woman. Now the romance gland shrinks in size and a second gland, located on a woman’s right side, activates, swelling ten times in size, dumping its mood-altering secretion. This is the fearsome nag gland. Now the woman ends up saying:

“Joe, you son of a bitch! Your snoring is driving me nuts! You better get that operation or I’ll operate on you. I’ll take a power drill to your head, popping in new holes until you stop that goddamn racket!”

It all makes sense now, doesn’t it? Thanks to a 10-cent comic book from over four decades ago.

(Image from

Friday, April 06, 2007

How About Dumb Intelligence?

© 2007 Ray X

(Image from ) .

Someone somewhere (my memory ain’t the best) made a statement about UFOs possibly being probes from other worlds without onboard organic operators. Such probes could be controlled via built-in artificial intelligence, but he couldn’t speculate how such an AI device would work since none exist (at least on this planet).

Hey, I’ll take a stab at it.

Let’s define the “intelligence” part of AI. To me AI implies a non-organic (or syntho-organic) construct capable of reacting like a human mind, albeit one with a good IQ. To me intelligence implies more than a perfunctory response to a stimulus. In my definition intelligence involves the processing of knowledge to pursue a course of action based upon individualistic reasoning. For example, two intelligent people can look at the same set of facts but infer different courses to take. Besides being able to gather and store data, an intelligent mind must also be able to use intuition, making leaps when connecting the dots, thus leading to new discoveries and ways of thinking.

If in some cases UFOs are space probes controlled by computer brains, they could exhibit what I call “dumb” intelligence. To us they seem to be intelligently controlled but are simply responding in a mechanistic way to a stimulus by following a prescribed set of instructions.

Or maybe such probes are smarter than that but are still “dumb.” Maybe they’re as intelligent as a dog, still having some sort of instinctive reasoning, able to learn new tricks, but that is kept under control by strict training. Such a probe would have more leeway in responding yet still be limited. Who knows, maybe an alien probe has a built-in invisible fence to keep Rover concentrating on his mission, sniffing out new life-forms.

And in those cases when an UFO is observed moving erratically, flying in a crazy pattern, it could be the invisible fence has failed for the moment and that Rover wants to play.