Tuesday, September 22, 2009

UFO Talk With Buck And Biff!

Getting out of bed is a problem for me. So how do I motivate myself? Simple. My portable radio has an alarm mode but instead of the buzzer, I set it to a particular AM radio station and then fall asleep.

Bam. Radio snaps on to a sports commentary program, boobs squawking about pro athlete nonsense. That gets me out of bed; I quickly kill the annoying chatter.

The other day I was snapping off the radio when an epiphany struck me: if such a program – basically egocentric opinions and boring scores and stats related to overpaid steroid-saturated muscle – can get people to tune in, why not use the same format to develop a broader audience for an relatively unpopular topic like UFOs? All you need is a couple of brawny guys who sound like they mainline caffeine, just zealous about the subject. Recycle the basic lines used by sports commentators and adapt them as needed.

= = =

BUCK: Welcome to UFO Talk! I’m your co-host, Buck!

BIFF: And I’m Biff! We’re here with the latest straight talk about Ufology!

BUCK: Well, it looks like the Ultraterrestrials took a hit with the sudden retirement of John Keel to that big mothership in the sky!

BIFF: And with Jacque Vallee still on the sidelines, just observing the game, it seems the ETH crowd rules the field!

BUCK: Yeah, especially with Stanton Friedman on the road! He just completed a double-header at the opening of a shopping mall somewhere between Fond du Lac and Sheboygan! Then he stopped by a nocturnal lights tailgate party to the surprise of local NL fans.

BIFF: Meanwhile Team Exopolitics is stuck out in deep left field, ready to fumble the ball again, bases loaded!

BUCK: Hey, back off the Exos! They scored a few hits.

BIFF: Sure, of LSD!

BUCK: Why, you--!!

= = =

On second thought, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. There is already enough intercenine tribalism in ufology – why lower the field to the level of pro sports fans?


Doug said...

Let's go to the phones! Come on, folks: the lines are wide open.


Well, after these commercials, Biff will tell the anal probe story again...

[I went too far, didn't I?]

X. Dell said...


Maybe an ESPN-type program about UFOs might get a large audience if there were fantasy alien contests, or betting lines on the next sighting. Oh, and perhaps get the TV networks to sponsor the show (beer ads would be a natural, don't you think?), and some cheerleaders in skimpy costumes.

Then you can spark radio interest with anything you want.

X. Dell said...

Doug, sounds like me that Biff might be the real pain in the....

Ray said...

So this is what happens when I disable comment moderation - "down the middle" comments.

Doug and X. Dell: the real Biff and Buck. [G]


Doug said...

I've been told I have a face for radio...

X. Dell said...

Hey, we're just taking your concept and running with it.