Monday, February 26, 2007

Reddy Kilowatt: A Cruel God

As a connoisseur of bad poetry, some crème de la scum can be found in bad movies. For example, take “Lady In A Cage” — please!

This 1964 overwrought disaster stars Olivia de Havahistrionic – I mean Havalland – as a wealthy woman who finds herself alone, trapped in her mansion during a hot 4th of July weekend. Due to a hip injury, a special elevator has been installed in her two-story living room.

Havalland’s character – who considers herself a poetess – finds herself trapped up in the air when the power goes out. Ergo, she is a lady in a cage. (Clever, eh?) With no air conditioning, the poetess becomes a little delusional from the heat, slumping down in one corner of the elevator, trying to pass the time until someone shows up to help her.

At one point she kills a few moments – and a few of my brain cells – by composing a poem within her skull (even though I suspect it was created in another body cavity). Havilland acts out each line like a melodramatic silent screen actress, throwing her head back, grimacing, as she composes:

Oh! I have worshipped thee,
False god.
For thou art false, electricity

Kilowatt is his name
And we did burn incense to his power

But lo, one day
Our god Kilowatt left us

Could we then go back
To the gods of our childhood?
To reindeer, Santa Claus?

At this point the elevator bangs and jerks, apparently affected by the affected verse. Unfortunately, it doesn’t crash and kill the poetess. You see, Kilowatt is a jealous god, especially one who hates Xmas. He sends three hoodlums to terrorize the poetess. She brilliantly sums up the actions of the juvenile delinquents as “an animal orgy.”

Sylvia Plath, where art thou?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Another Article Posted

Over at my web site,, in the X-Rays section, I just posted my review of the book, Haunted Hikes.

I made the transfer to New Blogger without any problems (so far), but I'll still be adding more material to my web site, usually longer articles.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Still Dissing Hippies Decades Later

When I sign on, my computer automatically connects to the Avira web site for the latest updates. Avira does provide a free personal version of their virus protection program that works well, but it also likes to promote its for-pay version. While the new files download, a special page pops up, an ad promoting the benefits of the premium version.

Nothing wrong with the ads – until lately. Now the ad page pops up with an image of two scruffy guys, stereotypical “dirty” hippies. Here’s the copy with the ad:

Bl!o#dy Hippies
They go on shocking people, proliferate and perambulate through the whole country without having a permanent home - computer viruses are nothing but hippies. Unfortunately, on your PC's expense. But thank God the 70s were followed by the 80s because beginning with this period AntiVir started to put an end to this goings. Take Avira AntiVir PersonalEdition Premium for instance.

And then there’s a link to learn more about the premium program:

Go to the Anti-Hippie commune!

I don’t know who created this ad, but what’s next? Could it be something like:

Of course, you’re a woman and have no talent for anything technical, but Avira is simple enough for you to use. Even blondes can figure it out.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

New Article

Over at my web site,, I just posted a review of the book, THE UTAH UFO DISPLAY by Frank B. Salisbury.

Here's the direct link to the article. If that doesn't work, go to the home page and click the link X-Rays, then click on the article link in the index.

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Friday, February 09, 2007

Like A Bad Habit...

...dropping this blog, that is. I'm mulling over that option. As I eXplained in the previous post, Blogger once again didn't notify me of comments waiting to be published. And I dread being one of the "lucky people" to make the switch to New Blogger and finding my stuff vaporized.

When it does work, Blogger is great. When it doesn't, my own website is a lot easier, even with HTML and FTP. So if I end up MIA here, look for me at .

I just fine-tuned my homepage again. There are two main sections, X-Rays and The Zine Zone. You'll find my older articles in zine form in the second section. X-Rays will serve as a blog where I will accumulate articles for a zine edition.

Until I see how Blogger is going to work out, I will probably only post links here to the latest articles at my website. Keep in mind I created my own site from scratch. It's plain vanilla, no fancy graphics and other eye candy. For me the message takes priority over the medium.

And since I don't trust Blogger's comment moderation system, please email me at .

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Comment Round-Up (Blogger Buggy Again!)

Once again the email notification from Blogger screwed up and I was never notified that I had comments waiting for my approval in the Comments Moderation section. If I hadn't checked, I would have never found comments dating back to January 19th!

So I'll have to check for unmoderated comments more often and not depend upon the email notification system. Anyway, to play it safe, if you want to increase your odds that I'll get your comment, email me: Just put XR Comment in the subject line so that I'll know it's not spam.

And for those who commented recently, please understand that it's Blogger, not me, ignoring your comments.

I don't trust Blogger to make the switchover to its "new and improved" system. Until I'm forced to move, I'll stay with Old Blogger. From what I understand, comments don't make the transfer to the new format.

Since I value feedback, let me respond with this post to the comments I found hanging in limbo.

In regards to a story in my post, UFOs: A Componential Overview, Part 2, Dustin reacted to the story about some kids who scared people in their area during an UFO flap by dressing up as aliens:

Imagine the shock of some redneck after thinking he finally shot a genuine alien and finding out that he shot some moron wrapped in aluminum foil...the world's certainly an odd place.

I can imagine how the ensuing court case would work out. Could the shooter's actions be excused because he sincerely believed that "aliens" were going to harm him? (I wonder if legal eagle Paul Kimball has any thoughts to share on that topic?)

And with my post, UFOs: A Componential Overview, Part 1, dealing with the nature of reality, Doug observed:

I hate it when subjective reality gives me a paper cut. Stings like a mo-fo.

I would say the pain is objective reality. If you enjoy the pain, then it's subjective reality.

I also had a comment from Anonymous that I thought I had approved for publication but now it seems to be lost. It said that my webpage, wasn't working. I don't know if he meant that the zine section was giving him problems because most of the editions are saved only in MS Word and you need that program to open and read them. If the entire website wasn't working, then it had to be a temporary glitch, because as far as I know it is running OK. Maybe I was updating it when you tried.

Anyway, if you come across any problems with my blog or website, please email me and I'll try to fix them. If Blogger remains a pain in the ass, especially after I switch over, I might drop this service and just use my website for blogging. Sometimes it's easier to post there with FTP than it is with screwing around with Blogger. So bookmark my website as a backup.

ThanX for the comments. I appreciate the feedback.

That’s The Ticket!

When he’s not expounding upon topics ufological, blogger Paul Kimball likes to share his dating tips. Actually, it’s a dating tip. To win a woman’s heart (and her other vital organs) a guy should share with the object of his desire poetry by Byron.

But that tip assumes that one is romancing a particular type of woman. Let’s face it: your typical ersatz blonde knows more about BYOB than Byron, her ditzy state caused in part by peroxide permeating her skull. It doesn’t take much to entrance such a woman: Byronic poetry acts like a bright shiny object that quickly induces a dear-in-the-headlights mental state. Great for satiating physical needs, but what about the intellectual aspects? What kind of meaningful discussions can you have with a vacuous vamp? Are you interested in a soulmate or a holemate?

If flowery poetry works for Paul, that’s fine by me. But I prefer the type of woman who isn’t so easily duped by ornate quotes from some English poet who died back in 1824, an unenligthened era without our modern conveniences – computers and cars for example – that help us understand the human condition with deeper depth.

For the type of woman I prefer, I eschew Byronic ploys and use a personal hobby to activate the chick magnetism: my collection of parking tickets from around the world.

What astute woman wouldn’t be intrigued by my prized possession, a warning ticket from the City of Gillette Police Department in Wyoming? On the front part of the ticket there’s a cartoon of a grizzly old prospector named “Desert Pete” on his mule. Below this Wild West icon is a message that states the driver was “durn near got arrested in Gillette!”

Flip over the yellow ticket and the driver finds out that he was in violation of Parking Ordinance #399. But the transgressor is getting off only with a warning – he can keep the ticket as a souvenir. He’s invited to come back often (with his money, of course).

Such a historical document can only lead to fascinating discussions with the right woman. What is the value of giving out only a warning ticket vis-à-vis prevailing standards of the criminal justice system in tandem with the municipal business infrastructure? What kind of Jungian – or even Lovecraftian – archetype does “Desert Pete” represent? And what is a violation of Parking Ordinance #399 – parking too near a donkey carcass?

So let men like Paul Kimball quote Byron – we smarter guys have the right ticket(s) to find that special woman.

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