Ray's X-Blog

Melted Mystery: Ice Cream Footprint File this under Plattsburgh Weird. So who -- or what -- left this melted ice cream footprint behind? Is Bigfoot now working as a Good Humor Man, driving around the neighborhood with his musical truck? Or maybe this guy made his mark. Does someone out there have any other theories?

Aliens Above? How About Below? SECRET WEAPONS: Defenses of Insects, Spiders, Scorpions, and Other Many-Legged Creatures / (2005) / A book by Thomas Eisner, Maria Eisner, Melody Siegler. Scanning the night sky, wondering what kinds of life exist Out There. But maybe some clues are creeping around your feet. Or are tunneling right under your shoes. I picked up this book to see what “alien” life-forms exist among us. Insects and similar critters occupy their own strange world, one that can be creepy, even disgusting. For example, how about insects that use their own dung as a defensive shield? A tortoise beetle –- known by the Latin appellation of Gratiana pallidula -- in its larval form has a two-pronged fork extending from near its anus back over its body towards its head. This fork accumulates waste matter, forming a pasty barrier. Even when the larva molts, it retains this shield that keeps growing through each larval stage. The shield can be tilted to fend off attacks from ene...

Miracle Mamma Pilgrims from all over the world are flocking to Plattsburgh, NY to witness the mammafestation hanging from the ceiling of Café Onion. “It is the sacred teat of Gaea,” proclaims new ager Kat Krystal. But not all agree. Representing traditional belief, Father Nolo Davinci says the dripping protuberance represents no pagan goddess. And there are those who think the ceiling swelling is just the result of a leak from the second floor. Three days ago a customer noticed that a circular section on the coffeehouse ceiling was sagging, the bright yellow latex paint expanding into mammary form. A drop of clear liquid fell into his coffee and without thinking he drank from the tainted cup. Suffering from a severe sore throat, he noticed that his condition suddenly improved. It dawned on him that it had to be the liquid falling from the ceiling. He told others but no one believed him. The customer, Zeke “The Freak” LaBadger, explained, “Ya, I told them dat dere liquid was a cure-a...

Patio Car: A Vehicle For Protest The owner of the car pictured above is a cigarette smoker upset by the recent laws prohibiting smoking inside public places such as restaurants. He decided to build his own designated smoking area atop his station wagon. I asked the owner about all the fixtures on his mobile patio, if he ever had trouble with a strong wind. He said that the chairs and other items were all bolted down. I also inquired if any local police officers had seen him driving his patio car around town and if he had been stopped for any sort of violation. He replied that the police had seen the car and thought it was funny. The owner added that the trouble with the country today was that there were too many laws affecting the rights of individuals. I wonder: how long before patio cars are banned? After all, you can’t have such individualistic dissent permitted: it will damage our democracy.

Hotshot Godzilla Is A Dirty Fighter! Keywords: Roasted nuts. Fried sausage. Juvenile humor.