Friday, May 27, 2016

Pick A Procreator

Venus needs men.

After the last one dies off it's decided to restock on fecundating males.   Assigned to this mission are Gamma and Beta, two curvaceous babes in swimsuit space suits.  They rocket off into outer space to fill the reproductive needs of Venusian women with ticking biological clocks.

In case you're unaware women on Venus look just like women on Earth -- well, that is,if all terran females filled the requirements to win a Miss Universe contest.  But the main point is that Venusian women are completely similar to Earth humans, ergo, no compatibility problems with DNA and interlocking body parts.

So with the right stock next door one would think they would go to Earth and grab what they need.  Instead Venus sends its rocketship to Mars and other worlds, rounding up four different bipedal bizarros.

There's Taugul who looks like a radiation-deformed Kewpie doll, his brain swelling outside his skull.  Next is Uk, a fanged critter with one eye in the center of his forehead.  With a flexible stalk Uk can move his eye into various positions, even extending it.  Venusian women:  Do you know where Uk's orb has been?

Any arachnophobes on Venus?  Apparently not because this dubious selection of ET males includes Crassus who looks like a cross between a tarantula and a fright wig.

Saving the oddest for last is Zok, the walking dinosaur skeleton.  That's right, no flesh.  So how will he impregnate a Venusian woman?  Apparently they pulled a boner with this one.  Then again, maybe they did pull a boner and he passed the test.

Further details can be scraped up by watching the 1960 Mexican film, Ship of Monsters,  a singing-cowboy-alien-babes-monsters-on-the-loose-blood-sucking-vampire-sci-fi-horror-comedy train wreck available online via YouTube.   Or you can save time by finding reviews through Googling that succinctly describe the plot.  A good example can be found over at the Atomic Monsters site,

Thus fully informed you can decided which one -- Taugal, Uk, Crassus or Zok -- will provide the best genetic material.  I rule against Crassus because his arachnid factor might only produce Venusian females of the black widow type.  Thus Venus runs out of men again.

(A tip of the space helmet to Dave Heran who introduced me to this goodbad film, i.e., a movie so bad that it provides good entertainment.)

1 comment:

X. Dell said...

Three of the monsters seem like a good match for the Venusian women. But if they select Uk as a mate, they'll now have to negotiate trade agreements with every country in Europe.