Thursday, February 13, 2014

Space Brothers, Forgive Us

Orthon, where art thou?

 (C) 2014 Ray X

We've been waiting for a long time.

Why haven't the benevolent space brothers revealed themselves and offered to directly help mankind?  Back in the 1950s contactees like George Adamski said that they met with benevolent ETs who looked like handsome godlike humans.  These space brothers passed along messages of great import like don't blow up your planet with a global nuclear war, ya morons.

Orthon must have had second thoughts about helping us out.  Why?

I think I've uncovered the answer.  The space brothers are miffed that we portray them so unfavorably in our media.

I recalled an animated drive-in intermission spot from my childhood that featured an alien visiting the snack bar during intermission.  For you uninformed young 'uns out there a drive-in was once a popular medium for movies, an outdoor theater with a parking lot facing a towering screen that displayed the movies.  The spaces were arranged so viewers could sit in their cars and watch.  The better drive-ins had a slight hump at each space to angle up the car for optimal viewing.  You listened to the movie by hanging a cabled speaker on the rolled down driver-side window.

The drive-in would show more than one film.  Between the main and second feature there was an intermission compelling you to enjoy the fine food at the snack bar.

Thanks to Google I've located that alien drops in to the snack bar cartoon ad [ ].

In the 55-second-long spot the alien BOING-BOING-bounces into the snack bar, startling the owner.   No wonder.  The alien is a pudgy green demon with a long pointy tail.  He speaks in an annoying high-pitched voice.

 Among the items he orders the alien asks for a "cup of that nice hot liquid" – strong-as-battery-acid coffee – and two bags of "that peculiar white puffy material" – greasy popcorn.

Throw into the mix fatty hot dogs with sugary candy bars and soda and you have a meal that a human being would have trouble safely absorbing, let alone an alien.  Can you imagine this: an alien with three hearts who needs triple triple bypass surgery?

I wonder how many of our outer space visitors did check out a drive-in snack bar and ended up hurling in their flying saucers as they hurled away from Earth.

As the ad wraps up the alien grabs his haul, saying his saucer is parked outside, and he bounces away.  The snack bar owner observes that people come for miles around for his exquisite food.   Such puerile humor is beneath the supremely-intelligent space brothers.

Add the insult of being portrayed as a goofy green demon and it's no wonder they haven't come back.

Maybe the annoyed space brothers will initiate a defamation of character suit through the law firm of Klaatu, Barada, and Nikto.

[ DISCLOSURE: Orthon is distantly related to my intergalactic cousin, Rayon.]


Doug said...

I imagine they've checked back on us, having subsequently been warded off by A.L.F., and more recently by the fact we still think Facebook is worthwhile.

X. Dell said...

If the alines can buy that much at the snack bar, they must be loaded. Maybe they were tired of Uncle Sam mooching off them all the time?