Monday, December 21, 2009

Closet Catholic Conspiracy

Closet Catholic?

The right-wing ham radio operator was reading from a book or article about the evil machinations of the Vatican. Shortwave conditions were poor that night and I kept missing some of his points. But I did hear the term "closet Catholic" a few times.

Unlike SW radio "reception conditions" are normally great on the Web so I did some Googling. Closet Catholic can be defined as a protestant who has sympathies for the beliefs of the Roman Catholic Church. To the extreme it means a non-Catholic who is secretly Catholic, working as a secret agent or puppet for the Pope. Even a Protestant US president could be one of these conspirators.

A quick search linked me to a personal home page: "The Outrageous, Anti-Christian Roman Catholic Church by Elsie Hamer, Wife Of My Husband, Caleb." Elsie is a self-proclaimed born again fundamentalist Christian who thinks the Roman Catholic Church is the work of Satan.

Eslie Hamer at her flea market table; image from her website.

It's evident Elsie hasn't updated her site in some time because the target for her hatred is Karol Wojtyla, Pope John Paul II. She wrote: "Before we get started, does it make you wonder how come the Pope's first name is Karol? Karol is a girl's name. And the Pope wears robes and dresses all the time. I have never seen a picture of him with pants and a shirt. No wonder he changed his name to Paul when he got picked for the Pope."

Then the loving Xtian Elsie includes a news photo with the caption: "Here is a picture of [President] George Bush assuring the Pope that he is a closet Catholic."

Elsie then quotes from the New York Catechism and also a papal encyclical from 1885 to make the case that the pope thinks he is God on earth.

That leads Elsie to make the observation: "Wow. Imagine that! Well hey Karol, lets see you walk on water. And can you change water into wine? Do you get your dresses dry cleaned or do you just say 'get clean' and they are all clean again. Do you ever have to go to the bathroom, Karol? If you do you don't hold the place of God cause nowhere in the Bible does it say God ever has to go to the bathroom!"

It's astute observations like this that help Elsie "prove" that the Roman Catholic Church is really a Satanic conspiracy controlling powerful closet Catholic leaders.

Other links on her site include these topics: "Women And Their Place!," "Evolution Is Wrong," "God Hates Fags," and "Stop Masturbating With Jesus."

Ironically when I visited Elsie's site there was a Google ad at the top of the page for a gay friendly church that supported same sex marriage.


Doug said...

That "stop masturbating with Jesus" advice is good. It was just too weird with him in the room; I had to only do it when he wasn't around.

And not to refute Eslie, but I'm pretty sure that nowhere in the Bible does it say God doesn't have to go to the bathroom.

Just sayin'.

X. Dell said...

(1) Lol. I guess some folks never left the Reformation.

(2) I agree with her on one point, actually, namely the inclusion of one of her links. I think folks ought to stop masturbating with Jesus, and let Him whack off in privacy.

Ray said...

Doug & X. Dell:

Is nothing sacred?

Wasn't Saint Onan the patron saint of those afflicted with carpal tunnel syndrome?

And then there's this:

Cummins Onan Generators? I wonder if they use orgone?


X. Dell said...

Do they use orgone? They would if they had the Reich stuff.