Thursday, September 13, 2007
Mutant Fowl Up
Bioengineering firm G Spot unveiled its line of polychromatic chickens. The birds are striking, variegated color bands marking their bodies from beak to tail. The head might be shade of green or yellow while the other end could be dark blue or bright red. Unfortunately a couple of defects can’t be overlooked.
Doctor Jean Nettics, head of research at G Spot, said that flower DNA was spliced into the DNA stands of a common chicken to create the multicolored mutations. While the feather color change was successful, the altered avians suffer from unusual disabilities.
The roosters make horrible sounds because they crow backwards. The repeated reversed crowing soon causes their throats to collapse and they suffocate.
A few of the chickens are afflicted with head spinning, constantly twisting their heads in circles. This chronic action disconnects their necks. Eventually their heads sag and droop; they’re unable to eat.
The DNA splicing is so effective that it only has to be performed once. The bio-engineered birds lay rainbow-splashed eggs that pass on the new genetic information to the next generation of hatchlings.
People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals – PETA – has vigorously lodged a complaint against G Spot. PETA spokesman Fred Furrier quit his job at the Weekly World News to crusade on the behalf of mutational mistakes such as the defective multicolored chickens.
“Man wasn’t meant to tamper with the forces of nature,” he intoned. “Some eggs are better left unhatched.”
Furrier is concerned what will happen of mutant chicken eggs accidentally end up in the food supply. Or if some people decide to deliberately ingest such eggs to produce certain results.
“Look at these crazy kids today,” observed Furrier. “They like to ruin their hair with all sorts of strange dyes: purple, pink, Bozo orange. Why bother dying their hair when they can chow down a mutagenic omelet and let perverted nature run its course?”
Furrier understands that some people will find the freaky fowl story unbelievable. But he adds: “It must be true. There are photos on the Internet!”
Posted by Ray Palm (Ray X) at 3:39 PM