Monday, August 20, 2007

Ufoological Images

Let’s see. I can comment on the latest feuds going on in ufodumb or provide insightful takes on ufo-related images.

Not a hard choice. This first image is from an ad for a local insurance company. I blotted out the company’s contact info. I’ll be more than happy to promote its services – for a fee, of course. (Gotta make a bit of dough with this money-losing interest.)

This ad is striking, does get your attention, but is it lost on the average person who doesn’t think about being abducted and anally probed? Does this company imply that it will cover you if you’re beamed aboard a flying saucer?

I’ve always wondered why gray aliens rudely probe people. Maybe they’re trying to promote universal health care and are offering free colonoscopies.

Next up: a postcard from Roswell.

Some friends decided to move west this month, leaving Plattsburgh, NY behind. On their trip they passed through Roswell, New Mexico, and checked out the Cover-Up CafĂ©. Why did they move? One friend summed it up this way: “I don’t want to die in Plattsburgh.” Most of you probably don’t grok that statement. You’ll have to experience this place for yourself.

I suspect that some of the local life-forms, while really weird, didn’t end up here after a saucer crash. More likely they’re being kicked off.

OK, now here’s an illustration from the book, UFO Abductions by Neal Bernards. The book is part of the series, Exploring the Unknown, for younger readers. I wanted to see how UFOs and other related topics were being presented to today’s youth.

Obviously the alien in the doorway is pissed. Why? After all, why should he radiate such vehemence towards a young human girl collecting eggs in a henhouse?

Well, my astute eye noticed a couple of details in the illustration. Compare the alien’s hand with the chicken’s feet. Seems this egghead ET descended from fowl, not apes. He must be upset that we humans are eating his evolutionary cousins in embryonic form.

I can imagine what this irate alien does with an egg-eating human adult. Time for the anal probe...

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Happy Birthday, Supreme Commander

Unbeknownst to me until tonight, August 4th marks the birthday of James W. Moseley, perpetrator of the zine, Saucer Smear. I was talking to Jim via a semi-secured telephone line about various subjects ufological and ufoological when he mentioned it was his birthday. Besides all of his other honorary titles, we can now call him The Spirit Of 76.

If gray aliens ever abduct him, Jim promised to call me by phone, giving me an exclusive interview during his capture. Of course, knowing the evil grays, I’ll have to pay for the call. (Does anyone know what the collect charges are from Out There?)

Friday, August 03, 2007

UFOdom & Boredom

Tautology induces yawning.

A man observes strange lights in the night sky. The lights might be extra-terrestrial craft. Or might not be.

A woman finds a small scar on her leg after she recalls under hypnosis her abduction by small gray aliens. The scar could be proof of her abduction. Or it could be just an ordinary scar.

The data keeps repeating itself, maybe with a new riff here and there, but essentially there is no solid evidence. A UFO sighting in 2007 sounds like one reported in 1947.

OK, so the mystery can’t be solved. But with ufology the mind can still be exercised, stretched a bit. Intelligent people can theorize and speculate. Ufology can be interdisciplinary: psychology, metaphysics, folklore, etc. Discussion and debate can keep one mentally toned up.

But another feud erupts. A says that B is a liar, B says A is wrong, A says something else to prove B is a liar, and C, D, E, etc. chime in with their takes on the subject. It’s not a matter of who’s lying or who’s right. The whole conflict is nothing but a distraction. Energies could be used for better ends, directed elsewhere. There’s always someone who craves attention. He flames away, baiting in the suckers. Ufology becomes ufoology.

And I yawn.

To the data collectors, keep pressing on. You’re doing valuable work, although its true importance might never be realized. But unless there’s a breakthrough bit of data, or someone sees the answer hiding in the vast sea of reports, sorry, I’m not interested.

Speculators, theorists, and historians: if you have a new angle on UFOs, I’ll listen, unless it devolves into a puerile pissing match with someone who holds an opposing view. I have enough assholes to deal with here in Plattsburgh, NY, thank you.

Ufology drew me in because it wasn’t like other subjects. It was offbeat, fascinating. Lately it’s been humdrum.

I have better things to do than struggle with ennui.

If UFOdom keeps creating boredom, I might be driven to a more traditional subject like professional sports. (Ugh. Then again…)